Saturday, September 11, 2010

Editorial on "Closure" Can we really have it?

"Closure " a word used in our world to describe moving on with life. Every one has heard the phrase; "You must have closure to heal". So I now question this theory. It has been nine years since the Trade Tower, Pentagon and Pennsylvania plane crash event. Each year I see the videos and photos plastered on the Networks. Recently I heard a lady say.. She knows she needs to have closure, but it hasn't come to her yet. Her husband was on flight #77 that hit the Pentagon.

Now I ask is this term "Closure" really important for one to move on in life? When we lose a loved one by an act of terror, through illness or natural causes are we expected to just forget about them, lay them to rest and continue on. For that is truly what Closure means. To close that chapter of your book for life, so one can move forward.

How can one forget about such a loss? I think it is not possible. Many times when folks lose a loved one, they were close to, a part of that person stays with them. You might say they became entwined at some point. It is not uncommon to think about the person throughout the years. With an anniversary of their departure having been impregnated in your mind.

Is this a Healthy state of mind? Yes I think so. Remembrance is a core of who we are. The things we do are done with the memory of things once done. Our whole life is based on things past. Isn't it common to hear phrases like..When I was younger... Way back When.. When I was your age... I remember when...We have always done it this way... It's Tradition that's why we do it. All these phrases have to do with the past. We grow up with the knowledge of former years. Therefore Closure in its form of the pain of loss going away will not happen. Oh yes we will go numb at the thought of crying and we will be able to handle our life without the loved one. However the anniversaries and certain places will affect our emotions.

I want to close with a story about me. Several years back my Mother took me to a Support Group for Fallen Officers. I thought this will be fine. I was very young when Grandfather was murdered and I have never been emotional about it. So off I went. During the session I got so upset. Never realizing that his untimely death would trigger so many things in the future. For you see, He would never be able to see me grow up, graduate college, get married, have a child or any other things that happened or will happen in my life. I was so upset that it took me months to sort though those thoughts. Now every year when I go to the Memorial Service I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, a tear or two might leak out and I remember my Grandfathers life and how it affected mine. Today my Daughter knows her Great Grandfather even though she has never met him. She knows the history of him and about his untimely death.

So you see "Closure" is not the word to use here. For it is not really putting an end to it or forgetting about it. The main thing is to hold it dear and close to us, Lest we forget how that person or thing affected our lives today.


  1. Good article, I agree.

  2. Good stuff. Closure has become a word that doesn't mean too much. And then we are almost taught that we can't move on unless X,Y or Z happen. Well... we have choices. Moving on is one of them.

  3. My very favorite uncle was murdered a few years back. It was hard on all of us. The only way I could begin to move on was to mentally forgive the person who did it, although the murderer was never found.